Sometimes
by Scriptorial Therapy
Summary: A look into Lily's relationship with the Remus, Sirius and Peter.
1. Prologue

**A/N**: An over-extended drabble. I've always found Lily's friendship with Remus, Sirius and Peter equally as fascinating as her relationship with James - perhaps because the Marauders had always had a fetishised image of who she was (due to James) prior to getting to know her.

I apologise for the swearing and smoking in this. But it's the seventies, and who can imagine a teenage Sirius Black who doesn't smoke or swear? I needed to stay true to his character.

Enjoy, and please take the time to review.

**Disclaimer**: I am not JK Rowling. I feel bitter having to admit it.

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**Prologue - Sometimes.**

The Lily that everyone knew was considerate, kind-hearted and selfless. It was as if altruism ran in her bloodstream. She was well liked by both teachers and students. She was conscientious and clever. No one could imagine questioning her sincerity or her bravery. She was bold, she was kind, and she had a moral compass that was set north. That was the Lily that everyone knew.

But the boys got to know her separately.


	2. Chapter 1 - Remus Lupin

**Chapter One. Remus Lupin.**

Sometimes, Lily would become exasperated. Sometimes, she would explode from her exasperation.

Mostly, though, she was exasperated for the right reasons.

* * *

Remus often walked with his head down, or else tucked inside a book. For many, such a decision would result in cementing oneself into a trick stair, or crashing into a suit of armour. Yet, Remus' blind navigation of Hogwarts' hallways were unfalteringly flawless and memorised.

He entered the courtyard, the November air bitting at his ears. As he nestled himself down into an alcove, he held one hand fast on the spine of his paperback book whilst the other searched to wrap his brown scarf more tightly about his neck. He was glad for the peace and quiet between periods, and adjusted quickly to the cold. He drew his legs up, closer to his body, and unconsciously formed the words he read with silent lips. He was quite absorbed, immune to the chilliness, content in the empty courtyard.

He realised too late that someone had joined him, but before he could attempt to shuffle away politely, he noticed it was Lily.

Remus had become comfortable with Lily from their Prefect Patrols. She was usually very placid and temperate, easy to prod into laughter. Remus enjoyed her company, as it buoyed him up.

But that day, she did not look like her usual self. She was holding _The Prophet _in her fist, and her face was flushed with anger. She thrust the paper towards Remus. Without a greeting, she demanded "Have you read this?"

He squinted at her, trying to discern the fury in her remarkable eyes. "Er, no."

She held out her hand, waiting, and after a hesitant pause, Remus reached out to take the paper.

A photograph of a smug member of the Wizengamot, who occasionally crossed and uncross his arms, accompanied the article Lily had indicated.

**Possible Policy Modifications Advised By Wizengamot**

Circulating rumours within the Ministry of Magic have indicated that policies may come into place in order to control the Muggle-Born epidemic that has infiltrated the Wizarding Community over the last several decades. Despite the Ministry of Magic refusing to comment, distinguished representative Adolphus Cuthbert of the Wizengamot claims that the current discussion surrounds the possibility of Blood-Status Exams to certify that the Muggle-Born witch or wizard in question is capable of entering the mainstream educational system. Cuthbert was one of the few wizards willing to be interviewed after the official meeting. "We're not commending the means that those barmy Death Eaters use to control the increasing Muggle-Born population. However, we need to address the serious likelihood that segregated education may benefit all involved."

Remus slowly lowered the paper.

"You didn't read it all."

"I don't want to."

She closed her eyes, the frustration still brewing on her lovely face.

Shuffling the newspapers aside awkwardly, Remus stood to envelop Lily in a hug. Even as she hid her face in his coat, he heard her muffled voice subscribing quaky profanities towards Adolphus Cuthbert. She was broiling with anger, and so was Remus but he remained calm for her, because someone needed to.

He pulled her away, but held onto her arms gingerly. Her face was wet. "Don't you listen to that…that…rubbish."

Lily snorted, tugging her hands away and wiping her eyes. "They're not _commending _what the Death Eaters are doing, you see."

"Don't listen to it."

"But, blatantly, they have a point. They have a point, and people like me are an _epidemic_."

"Bollocks."

She laughed bitterly, and a moment later she spat towards the paper with great vehemence. This surprised Remus. "Pure-blooded pricks."

He cleared his throat and buried his fingers into his pockets. Never had Remus been in a position where he had to offer her comfort. She was naturally the comforter, ceaselessly empathetic. He rocked on his heels for a moment, and then leaned down to look Lily in the eyes. "Please don't let this upset you. You know that they're prejudice and bigotry twits."

These were Lily's favourite terms to describe people of this nature. She would roll her eyes and aim a sharp look towards Remus and say with sarcastic amusement "How painful it must be for prejudice and bigotry twits to deal with people like me." He would always grin back, because he knew she meant people _like us_.

When James had informed Remus sombrely in the hospital wing the morning after that terrible night, that Lily had discovered his condition, he had experienced such a great terror he preferred to have been be back in the shrieking shack, volatile and wild. He had always had a good relationship with Lily, amicable and easy. She would balance his pessimism and introversion in a kinder way than the marauders' clamorous velocity. He was suddenly petrified that it would all be lost, all his pains to be secretive, all his efforts to appear normal. She would be mortified and disgusted and she would tell others. When the others knew there would surely be protest. They'd force him to leave the only place he had ever felt safe.

"Remus, listen to me. Listen, Remus!" James had yelled, realising his scratched and scarred friend was lost within his palpitations and shortening breath. "Last night was _really _bad and Lily wasn't the only person who could've been in trouble. I was frightened she'd freak out too. But the first thing she said to me once she was safe was, 'is Remus going to be okay?'"

James had repeated the words. _Is Remus going to be okay? _

Lily wasn't repulse by his lycropanthy. It still made him marvel. When she finally brushed aside his awkward mumblings and fumbling apologies when they bumped into each other in the Great Hall, she said "Now I feel like we're in the same boat, we can finally be friends." And Remus had to hastily wipe his wet eyes with the corner of his cardigan.

"Do you think I would pass?"

"Sorry?"

"Do you think I would pass the blood-status examination?" her face was extremely straight, despite how bitter her tone was.

"I think you would bloody well tell them where to stick their wands."

Lily grinned. She couldn't help but grin at Remus's affronted expression and the closest words he ever dared to utter as profanities. Finally, she exhaled deeply, as if letting her anger go. She smiled weakly at the meek boy in front of her and tucked her hands into her pockets.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"Sorry I interrupted your book."


	3. Chapter 2 - Sirius Black

**A/N:** Reviews make me so happy :) Enjoy guys.

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**Chapter Two. Sirius Black.**

It was unanimously believed that Lily was sweet—one of the sweetest people you would ever meet. She was dependable, and generous. She was lovable. Lily would always save you a seat or offer you advice. The Lily that everyone knew was pure and lovely.

But they all got to know her separately.

Sometimes she was surprising. Sometimes she smirked, or smoked. Sometimes she wasn't such a saint. When she relaxed, it became apparent that only a select few knew this side of her.

Usually, she relaxed only around a select few.

* * *

Sirius was down by the lake, huddled in a leather jacket and feeling like shit because he had been stood up.

This hardly happened for Sirius, but it was not the first time. All he had wanted was a good snog, maybe a bit of groping. He hadn't insinuated much. But Olivia Jones was down in Hogsmeade, he assumed. Olivia Jones, and all her friends, and all his friends. Peter undoubtedly was on his date and James and Remus, furious that he had refused to come without a proper reason, would be pretending to have a good time without him.

He had just wanted a girl with reasonably large tits and little reluctance to let him snog her for a small while down by the lake. Clearly, he had misjudged Olivia Jones and she was not that kind of girl.

He realised he was brooding. He acknowledged that this behaviour was the reason James would snap at him and Remus would sigh and Peter would refuse to be baited into conversation. He was awfully cruel in these moods. He would seek out fights as if they were a Snitch.

With a sullen sigh, he searched about his pockets for a cigarette, and once he retrieved it, he lit it with his wand. It was as he took his first drag that he noticed Lily Evans walking around the circumference of the lake.

He raised his hand as if in a half-hearted wave, and was immediately unsure what possessed the gesture and was immediately annoyed that he had invited her over because he wasn't in the mood for her piousness or her constant, selflessly kind attitude. They almost never got on, and he didn't want a lecture. She was wearing the old, flared jeans she always wore and a hideously lumpy jumper and her red hair was parted down the middle like it always was. She looked the same as ever, but he knew if James were with him he'd say some shit like "she's as majestic as a Hippogriff in flight" and swoon. Crossing his arms hostilely, he waited for Lily to join him.

"How come you're not down at Hogsmeade?" she asked, sitting down beside him.

"How come you're not down at Hogsmeade?" Sirius mimicked snarkily.

Lily didn't respond to his beastly attitude, but instead leaned back and directed her gaze out towards the foggy lake.

"Your jumper is hideous," Sirius said, simply to hurt her.

He noticed with satisfaction the surprise in her expression, but when she turned to him she was nodding. "It _is, _isn't it?"

She hastily stripped it off over her head, and threw it into the river.

Sirius stared at her in disbelief. Not only because she now only wore a camisole with lace trimming and he could clearly see her nipples through the white silk, but because he had never seen Lily Evans act so immaturely.

"What?" she replied. "It was a Christmas gift from my sister, anyway."

Sirius couldn't help but grin.

"Do you mind?" she said, gesturing to his cigarette.

"Yeah, sure," Sirius replied. He passed it to her and watched sceptically as she took a long, clean drag. The smoke coiled between her parted lips. She handed him back the fag and he continued to watch her. After a while, he turned away. "That wasn't your first smoke."

"No, it wasn't," she agreed. She looked at him innocently, waiting for him to say something.

Finally he burst out, "Since when does Lily Evans smoke?"

"Well, I hardly do _now_. I have to set an example, I'm a Prefect. You seem to forget that I used to be best friends with Severus Snape though."

Sirius pretended to gag and Lily sent him a disapproving look, followed by a tired sighed. This seemed more like her usual self. "That's why I'm not down at Hogsmeade. Sev—er, Snape went down with Avery and I saw them heading off together and I didn't feel much like going. Plus, Mary has a date with Peter and I didn't want to be stuck with James stalking me on my own."

Sirius appreciated the explanation, and after a moment of consideration, handed back his cigarette as a sign of goodwill.

"Thanks," she said, taking it. "Your turn."

He didn't feel inclined to have a heart felt chat, but responded nevertheless with "I got stood up by Olivia Jones."

"Oooh," Lily said, mimicking pained understanding. "Sirius Black being stood up. That's shocking." She laughed, and it wasn't with her usual sweet clarity. It sounded surprisingly patronising. She usually reserved that laughter for bulldozing down James' ego. "So what's the real reason?"

He looked at her with gloomy bewilderment.

"Oh, you can't expect me to believe that being stood up would stop you going down to Hogsmeade with your motley crew and, I dunno, humiliating Pete on his date."

Sirius shook his head, refusing to be amused by that very real scenario.

"Hm..It's just…well. I don't expect you to understand this, Evans."

"Try me."

"It's my younger brother."

Lily nodded, as if she understood exactly. When Sirius didn't continue she responded, "Regulus. He's becoming more interested in the Dark Arts."

Sirius looked up sharply. "How do you know that?"

"Er, because I use my eyes to notice things," after a tense pause she sighed and elaborated. "I've seen him fall into the same crowd of kids that Sev did."

"Yeah, well. He's being an idiot."

"I know. Targeting muggle-born second years is what I've heard. I've had a couple run-ins with him."

Again, Sirius looked up sharply. This time he was strangely protective. "Has he been giving you trouble?"

Lily laughed. "What? A fifteen-year-old bully would give _me_ trouble? He panicked when I gave him a detention, I'll tell you that. Not as tough as he thinks he is."

Lily handed back the cigarette, blowing smoke out as if she was mimicking the fog heavy on the air. Sirius took a final drag and snubbed out the fag on his boot. "I don't expect you to understand," he said again, his voice tight.

Lily Evans raised an eyebrow, as if unimpressed. "Really? Try me."

It came as a torrent, as if something inside of him had burst. He realised that ideally, he shouldn't be voicing what went on in his black mind. Especially not to Evans. Maybe James, if he were in the mood, maybe he would've told James. But never Evans.

But she was there and he couldn't stop himself.

"I can deal with my interbreeding parents and their moronic obsession with blood-purity. And I can deal with the fact half my relatives would lick the arse-crack of Lord-fucking-Voldemort if he said so. And I can deal with my mum disowning me because I'm a disappointment to the most shittiest House of Black. But I cannot deal with Regulus turning into one of _them_. It used to be us two, against all their pure-blood mania, taking the mickey and knowing that their goddamn minds were warped. He used to be a good fucking kid. And then when I left he changed—he's not doing this because he believes this _rubbish_ my mum shoves down anyone's throat. He's doing this because he doesn't want mummy to think he's a pathetic, little twat. He wants to murder muggles and mudbloods because he wants mummy's approval. He's going around talking shit about being a Death Eater in the making and saying _I'm _a blood-traitor and calling second years mudbloods—" Lily palpably flinched at the word, and he noticed and halted, losing steam. He stumbled over his words and then said, at a much slower pace, "He wants nothing to do with me now. He's just like Snivellus. Or Avery. Or Mulciber. And he'll get himself killed."

Sirius ran a hand over his face, but more to conceal wet eyes. He cleared his throat and shrugged off his leather jacket, passing it over to Lily. "Cover up, I can't look at you and not stare at your knockers."

Lily took the jacket wordlessly and threw it over her goosepimpled arms. She waited for Sirius to look at her, but he refused, and spent his time examining the lumpy jumper floating like a bloated sea creature in the lake.

"My sister, Petunia, thinks I'm a freak," Lily spoke to his profile. "She refuses to use the word witch. She thinks I'm an abomination and that I have the devil in me. She told my mum I can't attend her wedding because I shouldn't be allowed inside the church."

"Christ," Sirius said, shaking his head and throwing her a glance.

"It's alright though. She's bloody awful, to be honest."

She zipped up his jacket, and then placed her hand on Sirius's shoulder. "We can't choose who we're related to. I say fuck them."

"You have a mouth on you, Evans."

She rolled her brilliant green eyes. "Your vernacular is contagious."

Sirius barked out a laugh and went to stand, but Lily held him firm with her hand on his shoulder. Her sombre stare was what kept him there. "Next time something like this is bothering you, don't ignore your friends and don't try to snog Olivia Jones. Come and talk to me, alright?"

He nodded, like a child. They both stood up together. He was a bit dazed by the fact this had all transpired. Lily seemed to be acting as normal as ever, and yet they had just had a heart to heart. A proper conversation. Sirius cleared his throat. "You're not so bad, Evans. I can see why James has always been so bloody fanatic about you."

When she seemed genuinely surprised by the complement (which made him regret it) he audaciously aimed his stare towards her now concealed breasts.

Lily rolled her eyes again, and grinned. "Could you do me a favour?"

"What?" he asked.

"Tell him I lost my virginity to Severus."

Sirius choked, truly disgusted. "_Did you?"_

"That's besides the point. Just tell James, and make sure I'm somewhere in the premises. I want to see him vomit."

She gave him a pat on his broad shoulder, and walked back up towards the castle in his jacket.


	4. Chapter 3 - Peter Pettigrew

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews guys, I really appreciate it. Someone said last chapter was very bittersweet - I realise all the stories I write in the Marauder period are bittersweet (this chapter is no exception). Perhaps in the future I'll attempt a more positive story. For now, please enjoy :)

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**Chapter Three. Peter Pettigrew.**

The Lily that everyone knew was very brave. She was the embodiment of morality. When everyone was too ashamed to speak, she was the first to step forward. She wasn't scared to voice her beliefs or put her foot down.

But they all got to know her separately.

Sometimes, she wasn't brave. Sometimes, she worried. Sometimes, she was consumed by fear until it turned her into a coward. When she was lost inside her own head, it seemed only a few people could talk her down.

Usually, she was the one doing the talking down.

* * *

It was late and Peter was returning from the kitchens. He'd been sent down by the other three Marauders (there had been a vote) and was bringing back provisions. Although he was trying hard not to panic, he could feel a deep anxiety in his chest, buried beneath the layers of his warm pyjamas and nightrobes. It wasn't just the late night kitchen run making him nervous.

Sirius had his reckless abandon, James had his powerful last-name and Remus had his intelligence. Peter had many good attributes. He was decent looking, he had a good sense of humour, he was good at breaking awkward silences, he was a good mediator. However, Peter did know he had no means of surviving a war. He was unknown, out in the real world, and had no way to make himself known. He wasn't clever or reckless or important. He was petrified of fighting the Dark Arts (his best class was charms, after all). As the war drew closer, as Sirius grew more ballsy and yelled things out in corridors like "Come and fucking curse us to our faces you Death Eater wannabe!" Peter grew more nervous.

He always felt nervous these days. Everyone seemed to have ulterior motives, according to Remus. Peter now saw ulterior motives everywhere. He saw them in the difficult questions that teachers posed in class, he saw them in the girls who flirted with him, he saw it in his friend's demanding looks. He felt as if there was no room for error, it was do or die these days.

Peter started as a wand light blinded him, and he almost lost his grip on the food in his arms. The dazzling light was directed away from his eyes and after a moment of squinting and adjusting, he realised it was Lily Evans.

Shit.

Shit.

Lily bloody Evans, she was going to give him a detention. Why the hell did they send _Peter _down, why couldn't it have been James and his Invisibility Cloak?

"Pete!" Lily said, equally as surprised. She was in a nightdress and her hair looked a little lopsided in a bun. She looked shaken. "Er, hello."

"Lily. I'm so sorry, I know I shouldn't be up but I was, erm, starving and er, I just came down to get a little snack."

"Oh," she replied slowly, staring at the abundance of food he was carrying back to the boy's dormitories. _Shit._ "Right."

"So, er, I know I shouldn't be up but I really can't afford a dete—"

"Oh, don't worry about it Peter." He looked shocked by her blasé dismissal, and she immediately backtracked. "This isn't special considerations or anything. I'm just not on duty. And I shouldn't really be out of bed either."

"Er, okay." He shuffled on the spot, but couldn't help himself. "Sorry, but I'm curious. Why are you up then?"

She winced sheepishly, and twisted her lit wand in her hands with guilty fingers, sending a dizzying light off the walls.

"Erm…I…had…hunger pains. Too."

"Oh." She was lying, he could tell. "W-well. Do you want some food?"

She smiled kindly. "Sure, Pete."

They ended up sitting in the Common Room, eating food by wand light. Peter had never had a proper conversation with Lily Evans before, not one that lasted more than a few minutes. They talked about their mums, and their primary education. For some reason, he started to tell Lily about his first kiss. She giggled sweetly in the awkward parts. He relished its retelling, which had been mocked by the other boys when he had shared it all those years before. Lily seemed delighted by his narration and didn't interrupt him once with an insult.

"I have a question," he said.

"Go ahead," she said, munching on a muffin.

"Did you love Snape?"

The silence was thick. She swallowed slowly, and then looked him squarely in the eye. Peter realised he had changed the atmosphere.

Lily stared down at the muffin in her hand, with the same look of complete concentration she always wore in Potions. "I guess. He was my very oldest friend. He was the one who told me I wasn't abnormal; that the fact I could make things happen through magic was special. He had his own issues, his own problems at home. He always seemed so drawn into the Dark Arts. Into dark things. I wanted to save him." She cleared her throat, as if she could clear the lump caught in it. "I don't think I loved him romantically. But I would've done anything for him if he asked."

Peter despised Snape, but he didn't voice that as he chewed a grape. Finally he swallowed, and prompted Lily with, "Do you miss him?"

It was an audacious question, but he felt brave now, in her company. He knew these were the vital things James worried about, and the information would be valuable to him. Perhaps to set James' mind at ease. It was his mantra when he paced their room. _Does Lily miss him? Does Lily want to reconcile things? What the hell is wrong with her, he's a git, he's a dark-arts-obsessed twat, why does she always seem so depressed that they aren't friends anymore? He's a creep. Why was she friends with him? She's bloody masochistic._

Lily sighed and brought her knees level to her chest. "Sometimes. I think I miss who we both were when we were children. When things weren't complicated and we were innocent. To be honest," she cleared her throat and looked Peter in they eye. "He makes me feel nervous. Always. He's infatuated with everything I hate and he's so much darker now. You know? When I'm around him and his mates, I feel unsafe."

She closed her eyes. "I trust you Pete. So you better not repeat this."

He was surprised she trusted him. He listened keenly, leaning in as she went on.

"Tonight I went up to the Astronomy Tower to er…meet up with a guy. _Don' tell James this," _she hastily added with all seriousness, knowing the reaction he would have. "Anyway, I bailed. I just couldn't stand walking through the school without teachers supervising and knowing those…_creeps_," she shuddered. "are lurking about. That's why I came back to the Common Room. I'm scared of Sev and his friends. They look at me like a curse isn't their only prerogative. You've heard what happened with Mary. I just worry all the time. I'm nervous, and the war's coming and this war is being fought by people like _them_ because of people like _me_."

Peter stared at Lily for a long moment, before reaching forward and squeezing her shoulder. He felt the sudden desire to wrap her up and hide her. "We would kill them if they touched you."

"Thanks, Pete."

"I know James and you are just starting to be decent and he's not acting like a prat anymore, but he _really_ does care about you. And I'm not talking romantically. Like, like what you said about Snape—" he knew if James was here, he'd be mortified by the comparison. "He'd seriously go mental if they went after you. Whether in Hogwarts or out."

She laughed nervously, and brushed her hair aside. "Yeah, well. Alright."

"For the record, so would I. And Moony. And Sirius, he acts like a dick but he actually thinks you're pretty cool. You're one of the best people I know."

Her watery smile faded after a moment, and her face crumpled like collapsed scaffolding. She let out a strange little sob, but no tears came. She choked back some breath and Peter pushed her to say what was wrong.

And what she said gave him goosebumps.

She said that most days she felt unfazed and happy, she felt positive and bright. No matter what hit her, no matter what was said about her or what she saw in the papers, she would be positive and say it's alright. They had a chance of winning this war.

She then said that sometimes, _sometimes,_ on days that seemed to have no trigger, she felt so frightened to face the world she couldn't imagine surviving in it. She said that sometimes she was so consumed by her anxieties that she would go up to the Astronomy Tower and sit there for hours and contemplate jumping and she'd have to talk herself down. She told him in her weak voice that tonight she was on her way up there. She was lying about the date, and of course the food. She was on her way up there to jump when they found each other.

They were silent for a few minutes, and then Peter found the source of his courage. "I'm scared too, Lily. About this war."

"I know, dear. I know."

Peter took a deep breath and leaned in towards her. "But we _need_ that fear, don't we? It's what will motivate us to do what we _need_ to do in order to survive. We need to use it. Maybe people like Sirius or Mulciber are fearless and reckless and they want a fight. But the difference is, we have fear and we can use our fear. It will be the reason we survive."

She nodded, her eyes just as wide as his.

Lily was famous for giving good advice and taking care of others. She was always calm and controlled and able to sooth. Peter found himself substituting in her role to feed her what she needed. It was strange, but at the same time comforting. She was just the same as him. They stood slowly, and Lily vanished the food with a quick flick of her wand. She thanked him with a smile that only just touched her green eyes.

"You know what I'm really scared about?" Peter said. Lily shrugged, waiting for his response. "I'm scared to go up to my bedroom and face a hungry Sirius and James, with no chocolate for Remus, and having them bloody lose it when they find out I ran into Evans and ate it all with her."

Lily laughed genuinely and shook her head. "Good luck. I think I'd prefer the Death Eaters."


End file.
